Learn to accept UncerTainty

Photo Credit : Tenor

Life is no fairy tale. It’s not just those picture perfect moments shared on facebook and/or Instagram. It’s also the stories, the scars we hide or are not ready to accept.

No life is perfect and the moment we accept it, we are enlightened.

The Buddha said, “No one can escape death and unhappiness. If people expect only happiness in life, they will be disappointed.”

We need to learn to accept Uncertainty and change. One moment you are happy, in another a storm can blow away your everything. And to be sane in this situation, we need to understand and accept that that’s how life always has been. History has been the witness. The only thing is it happened to you only now.

©Selina Subba

I value your wonderful read. Please followSeli’s Diary if you are not yet a follower. This one act of yours can inspire someone to continue living her dream 📝✍️

One little thought

This is an English translation of the post एउटा सोच💭 originally written in Nepali language

When I look around and analyse things, I often get reminded of a toddler falling down while trying to walk. We all have seen a toddler falling down and crying. And most of us have also teased them at some point just to enjoy them cry cutely. It felt so good seeing them cry. Right??

I also remember her mother giving us that angry look and consoling her by saying nothing has happened. She just became a little stronger and bigger. And that cute poor kid would also believe and stop crying hearing those words from her mother as if nothing had happened.

These days the cries of that baby have again started coming in my ear. For some reason, I often get the feeling of that baby being not able to get up and walk.

Are we still teasing someone like the baby we had teased at one point? Are our words still hurting and discouraging someone to get up once again?

Life means moving forward. In this process, we fall down sometimes. A little bit of sunshine, a little bit of rain.. this is what everyone’s life is. But knowingly or unknowingly are we not laughing and enjoying someone’s failure? Are our words not breaking and making someone’s heart cry?

When we fall down tomorrow will someone also not laugh at us? Like we teased that little girl, will someone also not tease us in our fall?

And who knows like her mother whether someone will be there for us or not?


One word frees us from all the weight and pain of life. That word is love💖  
Let’s not be harsh when we have the option to love💕

I value your wonderful read. Please follow➕ me @Seli’s Diary if you are not yet a follower.

This one act of yours can
inspire someone to continue living her dream 📝✍️

My Deep Seated Insecurities

I came across this post from Sudeep’s Journal which I found resonating to what I see and feel around. Please click My Deep Seated Insecurities for full post..

Follow him for more such amazing piece of works.. 💖

Life has now become a competition, a continuous state of comparison, a complete abomination towards oneself. Someday, I love myself; some days, it is hatred that wins over me. But one thing that I have experienced lately is my unwillingness to do anything, the continuous state of confusion that I am in telling myself if […]

My Deep Seated Insecurities

Last words

Soul never dies

Last words can have such an impact on someone’s life. You might still remember some sweet words or some bitter words you heard years ago. You might have forgotten other stuffs but not how those words made you feel. Whenever those words come to your mind again, you relive those moments as if it happened just now. It might make you happy, sad, content or even angry.

I also relive many past moments in my head quite often. It’s funny how out of many moments lived with someone, only few stay in your subconscious mind permanently, keeps knocking and takes you back to those moments time and again… 

I can never forget my mom who is up there in heaven. It’s been three years without her. She was with me for 28 years. In all these 28 years, there were many seconds, minutes and days that we have spent together… Yet when I think of her,  those 28 years seem so short. I remember how she loved me, cared for me, pampered me, scolded me and taught me to dream. I still remember how she made me feel. I can still feel the warmth of her love and protection. 

When she left, she left a big vacuum in my life. With her, I lost a part of me as well. I forgot to live. I forgot to dream. For months, I was restless and angry. I was not able to come with terms that she is no more. I was in constant misery until one night. 

It’s a hospital room and my mom lies in her bed in her blue coloured hospital shirt and pant. She wants to move but is unable to move any of her body parts apart from her head. No one hears her calling. My dad, elder sister and I reach there. 

” Why you guys so late. I want to move a bit but no one is listening. Can you pull me a bit upwards”, Mom says. 
We pull her a bit up. 
“Now I feel better. You can’t imagine how suffocating it is to be like this”, Mom says in relief. 

My mom was the one experiencing this but I was feeling the numbness and helplessness on my body.  

Suddenly my eyes opened and that feeling was no longer there. I was able to move. That moment changed something in me. I don’t know why but I felt like my mom had come to me to tell that she is not in pain now and her helplessness has gone away. 

My mom was diagnosed with 4th stage metastatic cancer. Doctors had told that there’s  nothing anyone can do. Her one leg had stopped feeling anything and in few days the other one too. Doctor had told that it will spread everywhere and in her brains as well. But before it spread further, her journey ended. Maybe that was somewhere there in my subconscious mind and it just came out in that dream. I don’t know what was that but I was able to feel her helplessness and the relief as well when I woke up. And although I wish she was here, now I don’t have the baggage in my heart. 

After this incident, I remembered the moment when she took her last breath. I had fallen asleep. All of a sudden, I could sense complete silence.

I open my eyes and see my dad, sister and my brother-in law holding my mom in a reclined position. Noone is speaking. My mom’s eyes have changed colours, fixed at one point as if they were looking beyond what is in front.
I shake her and tell if she remembers me.

Her heart beat becomes very slow and she speaks exactly in her mother’s voice, ” Kaili, aee kaili get up now”.

I tell everyone that she is calling her younger sister. But then suddenly realise that her sister is “Kanchi, the small one”. Kaili was actually her. 

I start shivering.
“What are you saying. Why are you calling yourself. Don’t do this. Come back to us”, I tell her crying. I shake her at that point thinking that I can break the process and bring her back to reality. But she was already somewhere else. 

Her heart beat becomes slower and again she repeats, 
“Kaili, aee kaili get up now”.

Come back to your senses”, I keep saying her shaking and patting on her cheeks, still hoping she will be back to her senses. At that point, my brain was refusing to believe that people once gone don’t come back

We both had lost control over our heartbeats. The difference was hers was slowing and mine racing.

 She becomes silent, her heart beat becomes almost null now and she again repeats, “Kaili, aee kaili get up now”, and with this she takes her last breath like you swallow something with mouth open. 

Her heart went still, eyes partly closed and her mouth was still half open just the way it was when she took her last breath. 

With those words she left this world. There was so much going on, in and around me that I never thought of it again until I saw that dream. 
I don’t know about anything apart from this life. But this incident makes me believe that Soul never dies and there’s something beyond this life. And it gives me relief and contentment. Her last words soothe me and makes me believe that she is there somewhere and my grandma had come to take her. 


© S̮e̮l̮i̮n̮a̮ S̮u̮b̮b̮a̮

My mom💖

I value your wonderful read. Please follow➕ Seli’s Diary if you are not yet a follower.

This one act of yours can inspire someone to continue living
her dream 📝✍️

एउटा सोच

वरि-परि यसो हेर्दा, बुझ्दा मलाई एउटा सानो बालक लड़ेर रोएको स्मरण हुन्छ। सबैले बालक लड़ेको त प्राय देखेका नै हुन्छन्। बालक लड़दा हामी कतिजनाले उसलाई “बिचरा, चो़ चो़ं ” भन्दै गिज्याएका पनि छौ । हामीले बिचरा भन्दा त्यो कलिलो जिवन झन् ग्वाॅ ग्वाॅ रोएको शायद कतिजनालाई झझल्को पनि आउदो होलान् । त्यो कलिलो सृष्टिलाई रूवाउनू पाउदा कति मज्जा आउथ्यो है? उसको आमाले चाहि हामीसंग रिसाउदै “केही भा छैन, बड़ेको पो त” भन्दै फकाएकी अनि त्यो बालक पनि आमाको कुरा सुनेर केही भा छैन जस्तै शान्त भएको मलाई स्मरण हुन्छ।

हिजोआज फेरि मेरो कानमा  कुनी किन त्यो बालक रोएको ध्वनि गूंजिरहन्छ, त्यो बालक फेरि उठ्ने प्रयास गर्न नसकेको मलाई आभास भइरहन्छ।

हामीले कतै त्यो बालकलाई रुवाए झै कसै अरूलाई पनि त रूवाउदै छैनौं? कतै हामीले हाम्रो वचनले कसै अरूका हिम्मत पनि त टूटाउदै छैनौं? हामीले कसै लड़दा खिल्ली उड़ाउदै बिचरा भनेर कतै कसैलाई जिवन यति नै रहेछ जस्तो त आभास गराउदै छैनौं?

जिवन भनेको नै त अघि बढ़नू  हो। अगाडि बढ्दा हामी कतिपय ठाउँ, कतिपय समय लड़न जान्छौ। कहिले सुख, कहिले दुख यही नै त तपाई हाम्रो जिवन हो तर कतै अरूको दुखमा हामी जानेर वा नजानेर रमाई त रहेका छैनौं? कतै त्यो बालक रोए झै हाम्रो कारण कसै अरूका मन पनि त रोएका छैनन्?

कतै भोलि हामी लड़दा, अरु कोही त रमाउदैनन्? त्यो नानीलाई गिज्याए झै कतै हाम्रो दुखमा पछि हामीलाई नै त कसैले गिज्याउदैनन्?

फेरि के थाहा त्यो बालक को झै हामीसंग हाम्रो कोही आफ्नो हिम्मत बनी खड़ा हुने हो वा होइन!

© Copyright S̮e̮l̮i̮n̮a̮ S̮u̮b̮b̮a̮

I value your wonderful read. Please follow ➕ Seli's Diary if you are not yet a follower.

This one act of yours can inspire someone to continue living her dream 📝✍️

It’s time to hold on

#Covid19 #PowerofPrayers #Pandemic #HoldOn

With so much going around, it’s hard to be positive. Numbers are increasing, people are dying everyday. Seeing it travel everywhere, now I can feel it right here, very near. We do not know when death is gonna knock us. It’s hard to be positive but right now that’s the only thing I know.

I am scared, frustrated but I won’t lose hope. Because if I do, I won’t have the strength to hold on. I need to be strong and so do you all. Because we need to hold on. Hold on and save ourselves and our loved ones.

Let’s turn this crisis into an opportunity to see what’s truly worth living for. Let’s share our time with our loved ones and hold on to each other because love in true sense is the only thing worth living for. Let’s remember all those beautiful people who made our life’s journey worthwhile and with whom we haven’t been able to talk due to our busy schedules. Dial their numbers. Talk to them.

Let’s turn to our hobbies, our passion which got buried somewhere living those busy lives. Let’s turn to prayers as well not because we believe in miracles but because they have strong powers. They make us believe that it’s gonna be okay and provide us with patience, strength and hope. And those are the things we truly need right now. Lets be strong and stay safe inside.

#LetsSurviveCorona #LetsFollowLockdown

What have you guys turned on to these quarantine days? Feel free to comment below.

Love 💕

Misery loves company

“Misery loves company”.

I have heard this proverb since I was a kid. I am sure most of us have. This proverb dates hundreds years back.

But what does this mean? Does misery really love company?

I tell you my experience. I was frustrated because I had lost some very important documents, not just one but almost all that I possessed.  I knew that I could at least get duplicate copies. But that meant I had to lodge a police complaint, reapply for it, had to run through different government offices and all the schools & colleges where I studied many years ago.

It was a tedious job. But I had no option.

So, I reapplied for it. To whoever I shared this were like.. “How can you be so careless?”, ” Stupid you are”. “My documents are all safe in my suitcase. How could you? “

I knew for  sure that I had made a mistake. I don’t have any grudges against them. But I tell you how I felt. I felt more miserable talking to them. I felt like I am all alone in a deep sea of darkness and everyone else is there on the shore enjoying.

I stopped telling this to anybody.

I went through all the tedious procedures, went through all the offices and schools. For getting my school certificates, I had to go to school and get a form signed by the head of the school. Then I had to take that form and go to the Board office for submission.

I went to the Board office and when I reached there I could see several others also lined up. When I enquired, they were also the ones who had lost their certificates. Some lost it while travelling, some while moving house and so on.

It funny but I will be honest with you all. I felt so relieved. All the heaviness that I had in my heart was all gone.

I was happy not because they were in trouble but because I was not the only one.

So, I can say.. Yes, Misery definitely loves company.

To all my readers, I would like to tell whatever situation you are in, you are not alone. Death, failures, disappointments, struggles, losing loved ones… We all will go through darkness. It’s all part of life. We have same frustrations, disappointment, feelings of failure, fear etc. at many stages of life. Our journey might be different but our emotions are the same.

But always remember, only light can overcome the darkness. Everyone went through darkness and overcame it with positivity. You might be in darkness now but you are not alone. Keep moving until you see the light.

And yes misery definitely loves company but let’s pull each others up not down. Let’s be the company that uplifts each other from misery.

PS : I got all my duplicate copies of documents now 🤗

Love 💕

© Copyright S̮e̮l̮i̮n̮a̮ S̮u̮b̮b̮a̮

Being an introvert

Being an introvert is not easy. It’s not easy because the world doesn’t make it seem easy or at least we think so.

Remember that day when someone looked at you with a pity, that day when someone taunted you for staying away from crowd. And how can you forget your school days? How many times people made you realise that you have a problem, you won’t be able to do anything in life because you are anti-social.

Sounds familiar??? 


Then probably you are an introvert or someone who crossed your mind while reading this is an introvert.

But to all the introverts out there, I tell you what… You are not abnormal, you are not rude, you are not anti-social and most important you are no less special.

Being the way you are is absolutely alright. You do not need to be like everyone else to be happy and successful. You need to be just like you to be happy. If spending time alone rejuvenates you then that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with that. At the end, everyone is looking for peace and happiness whether its in a temple, in a bar or in solitude. As long as you don’t hurt someone, it’s okay to be who you are.

Always remember that you are special in your own way.

Roses are special because it gives pleasure to eyes, is aromatic and has other specialities as well. But does that make rice less important??


Both are special in their own ways.

We live in a world where being loud or extrovert is seen as desirable and trendy. It’s because extroverts show what they have and in many cases even what they don’t have. But introverts don’t. They don’t like to be the centre of attention.

But like the saying goes, “Jo dikhta hai, wo hi bikta hai”(whatever gets seen, gets sold too)

Extroverts are loud, outgoing and gets energised by crowds. Whereas introverts are soft-spoken, thoughtful and often gets drained by crowds. This doesn’t mean that extroverts do not need alone time and introverts always need to be alone. Extroverts do need alone time but being like that for long exhausts them. For introverts it’s the opposite. They can go to a disco and enjoy but being there for long exhausts them. They need to rejuvenate by being in solitude.

As per research, extroverts and introverts brains function differently. We all have same amounts of dopamine in our brains. But the difference is that introverts are more sensitive to it and gets over-stimulated by it whereas extroverts are less sensitive to dopamine and needs more of it to be happy. That’s why introverts lose their energy while being in over-stimulated situations like crowd, party etc.

Well, I can go on and on telling what extroverts do and introverts don’t and vice-versa. But the main purpose of this article is to remind everyone that every one on this planet is special because they are unique and no one can be exactly the way they are.

To all the introverts out there, I would like to tell

  • You are very special
  • Don’t be harsh on yourself because you are made to think how you are is not how you are supposed to be
  • You matter a lot
  • You have a purpose and
  • You are not alone

Embrace your strengths. Thank god for every time you didn’t spit poison while speaking because you know how it feels. Be happy for all the things that gave you inner happiness. Look inwards like you always do. Find who you are and celebrate your passion. So many successful people in history were introverts. And in the present as well. You can google the names.

You have special talents. You could be an artist, a painter, a writer, a doctor and so much more. Being introvert is a blessing because we are thinkers and we don’t live the life others suggest. We look for inner happiness and spread the same. We are listeners and observers.

So, don’t get carried away when someone says you are dumb because you’re not. (Being loud is not equal to intelligent/happy).

Decorate your cover too when needed.


People judge a book by it’s cover. Only those who read the book can see the true worth of it. But you can’t make everyone read the book. Few could be illiterate as well. So, when required make the cover attractive too 😃 (Just kidding)

Love to all 💕

Written truly by an introvert.

© Copyright S̮e̮l̮i̮n̮a̮ S̮u̮b̮b̮a̮

Adoption, IVF and Surrogacy

Children are the joys of life. Who will fail to smile when they see a baby with those innocent eyes. They help us see the world from a different perspective. They make us happy and a better human being. But not everyone will be blessed with the potential of bearing a child in their wombs. By potential, it could be physical or even social. Some will have medical issues which will not allow them to have a baby whereas some will have social barriers like for unmarried people, to have a baby is a taboo in many countries. In both cases adoption, IVF and surrogacy are like precious gifts. 

Talking about these processes, adoption is the act and the process where someone not biologically related to you becomes your child. When you opt for adoption, you are giving life to someone who is already born by saving one. Its beautiful and you are also contributing to this world by helping it become a better place to live for someone.

IVF and Surrogacy on the other hand are the processes of creating totally new lives with the help of technology. IVF and surrogacy both give you options to create a life using your own genes. The baby born will be yours biologically and the responsibility of a parent will also be totally yours by birth. 

So, Choice is yours… You want to give life by saving one or create a new life altogether. In both cases, I wish everyone all the best and keep spreading love💕

I value your wonderful read. Please follow➕ me at Seli’s Diary if you are not yet a follower.

This one act of yours can inspire someone to continue living her dream 📝✍️

One word can make you or break you

One word.. Yes just one word and such a huge impact. The word that you utter from your mouth has the power to either make someone or break someone. And yes of course, it is enough for people to know what true colour you have inside that mask.

When your world has turned upside down what you expect from your loved ones is a shoulder and an assurance that it’s okay. Just that much. I have been in a situation when nothing was going right in my life and I had few close people tell me. “I pity you. Your world has crashed. I am sorry to say but you won’t be able to do anything in life. You are good for nothing. I don’t know how you gonna run a house and your life. “

That was the response I got from people whom I really loved and cared. I knew my world had crashed but how insensitive were they to tell those words. And to be precise, this was when my mom had expired and it wasn’t even 2weeks.

In a second they made me realise that I am a dirt, having no value that also when I had lost the pillar of my family. I was hurt. My heart cried the moment I heard those words. I didn’t say anything. Those words kept haunting me. From hurt I then became angry. So angry… And you know in a second again they lost the respect and love I had for them. And I know it’s not gonna be the same again because now I know how much they really care about me.

When the so called close people were making fun of the phase I was going through, I had my inner self telling me that I am much more than their limited thought. I am not perfect, my life is not perfect. But I am a living soul and definitely not the “good for nothing”. That was what kept me going. This strength that I got was from my mom. Whenever I fell down in life, she always told me it’s okay to fall. What matters is to get up every time you fall coz that’s how life is. And I am amazing.

Those words from my mom always motivated me and still does even when she is not near me. So you see how I got affected with those two different sentences I heard from two different people.

One broke me down and the other one healed me.

I am an observer. I observe people’s nature and what I have found is that people are mostly unhappy because of society. More than what is happening to them, they are worried of what people gonna think of them. And this all is happening because of the words they have heard people say and sometimes they say to people.

I have seen people wear gold after marriage just to show people. It’s okay if you love wearing gold but I have seen people say, after marriage we need to wear gold just to show people also. Otherwise people will say that we are in misery. Why??? People don’t speak about mental issues, infertility issues, home violence.. Why???

It’s sad but the truth is, it’s because of the insensitive remarks they are scared to hear.

I feel somehow, we have failed as a society. We need to be sensitive. Being sensitive it doesn’t mean that you need to feel the pain the other one is going through. It’s not possible. We might feel bad but we can’t feel anyone’s pain unless we are going through it.

But I think to have a sense of what people are going through is in our hands. If nothing good is coming in our mouth, to shut up is in our hands.

The only motive of this post was to make people realise how a word can affect people’s mind and life. Let’s analyze ourselves and make this world a better place to live.

Love 💕

© Copyright S̮e̮l̮i̮n̮a̮ S̮u̮b̮b̮a̮

I connected the dots and I couldn’t be more happier

Have you ever been in a state where everything in your life seems so meaningless? Whatever you did and whatever happened to you seems to lead you nowhere. You are lost and know no escape from this uncertainty of life. I am sure it’s a yes to most. We all will go through this stage and I know its real hard.

This happened to me too. But I tell you, once I looked back and connected the dots I haven’t had any complaints. I feel enlightened and content.

I tell you my story. I was that independent girl working away from home leading a life that I had once desired. Earning money on my own. My biggest dream in my life had always been to be independent and not rely on anybody for anything. And I was living my dream.

But this world of my dreams got broken when my mom left this world. For everyone, their moms are the best. For me too my mom was the best and a divine being. I look back and I cannot find any flaws in her. So selfless, so loving not just to her children but to all.

It was hard for me to come to the terms that she is no more in this world. The question “Why so soon?” was constantly hovering in my mind and it was killing me all the time.

While all these were going on, responsibilities had come on my shoulders being the only daughter(unmarried) of my parents. My elder sister being married has her own life and problems to take care of. So, it was just me and dad at home.

I left my job and sat at home for my dad. I stay at a place where there aren’t any big companies like where I used to work. And whatever job options were there nearby to me was just like waste of time as the pay I would get was a pity. (Let’s not talk about government jobs for now)

So, in short I was jobless and still am. But now I have started seeing the dots of my life. If I was still working, I would never realise that my love, my passion is in writing. When I write, I feel it’s so “me” which I didn’t feel when I was working in that big company. I am not saying that one day I will be a successful professional writer. What I am saying is that I have found what makes me happy.

Now another dot. Why I worked in the first place when I had to leave it. Just 4+ years and all gone. So here it goes. If I hadn’t gone from North to South and hadn’t worked where I had then I wouldn’t meet few people in my life who would be there forever in my heart and my life. If even one dot had gone here and there, I wouldn’t have found what I have.

So, all I wanted to say is to trust the timing of your life. Try knowing yourself and do what keeps you inspired. No one is here forever. Let yourself free and explore within. And live life the way you want..

Lots of love💕

It is you, who is your cause of unhappiness. Try exploring inwards and you will understand life.. 

© Copyright S̮e̮l̮i̮n̮a̮ S̮u̮b̮b̮a̮