Dear Life

Crying, laughing, fighting, stumbling
I have never left your side,
More than a quarter century, you’ve always kept surprising me.
More than what I got, the more have I lost.
But still, I have always kept you closest to my heart.

But dear life!
These days a feeling I’ve never encountered comes lingering by my side,
Walking a single step with you nowadays seems to me like an exhausting ride.

U know that I have always loved you, Don’t you?
But now its your turn to show you love me too…
Come and hold me like I have always held on to you
Give me reason dear Life, to love u and be by ur side once more.

© Copyright S̮e̮l̮i̮n̮a̮ S̮u̮b̮b̮a̮

नेपाली कविता ‘आमा’

मेरी प्यारी आमा स्व॰ बिष्णुकुमारी लिम्बूलाई समर्पित मेरो कविता “आमा”


“आमा” एउटा शब्द मात्र होइन
हजारौ भावनाहरुको आभास।
गर्मीमा छहारी, वर्षामा ओथ
अनि ठण्डी मा न्यानोपन।

भाग्यमानी हुन् तिनीहरु जसले
पोल्ने घाममा शितलता पाउन सक्छन्,
सौभाग्यशाली हुन् तिनीहरु जसले
पानी झड़ी हुरी बताशमा ओथ पाउन सक्छन्,
कति खुशी छन् तिनीहरु पनि जसले
बाहिर ठण्डा हुदा न्यानोपन पाउन सक्छन्।

प्यारी आमा! म हजूरलाई
कति याद गर्छु कसरी भनू म;
ती सोझो दुइ नयन, त्यो प्यारो मुस्कान
अनि त्यो अगांलोको न्यानोपन;
कति चाहन्छु म हजूरलाई फेरि यो जिवनमा,
आफ्नो कथा सुनाउन अनि जिन्दगीको
हुरी बताशमा ओथ पाउन।

कहिले काही मेरो जिवनमा पूरा वर्षा पर्छ,
वर्षाको हरेक थोपा सगैं हजूरको याद
अझै गहिरो भएर जान्छ,
जब जिन्दगीको घामले मलाई पोल्छ
तपाई नभएको महसूस एक चोटी फेरि तिखो भएर आउछ।

जति याद गर्छु तपाईलाई, माया अझ बढ़ेर जान्छ;
जति माया बढ़्छ, “हजूर भएको भा!” भन्ने खयाल एक चोटि फेरि मनमा आउछ।
हजूरको कमी त कहिले पूरा हुन सक्दैन
तर हजूरको आभास पनि यो जिवनमा कहिले कम हुनेछैन।

जुन जिवनलाई सजाउन हजूर सधै समर्पित थिए,
त्यो जिवनलाई प्राण रहुन्जेल सम्हालने छु म।
जति नै कठिन यात्रा किन नहोस्,
हजूरले सिकाए झै पछि कहिले हट्ने छुइन म।

जुन जिवनको कोशेली मलाई दिनू भो,
त्यो जिवन अरु जिवनको केही काममा लाउन पाऊँ।
केही मुस्कान म पनि तपाईले झैं कसैको जिवनमा छड़किन पाऊँ,
प्यारी आमा, यही नै रहनेछ मेरो हजूरप्रतिको एउटा सानो भेट।

Click below for video link of this poem

One word can make you or break you

One word.. Yes just one word and such a huge impact. The word that you utter from your mouth has the power to either make someone or break someone. And yes of course, it is enough for people to know what true colour you have inside that mask.

When your world has turned upside down what you expect from your loved ones is a shoulder and an assurance that it’s okay. Just that much. I have been in a situation when nothing was going right in my life and I had few close people tell me. “I pity you. Your world has crashed. I am sorry to say but you won’t be able to do anything in life. You are good for nothing. I don’t know how you gonna run a house and your life. “

That was the response I got from people whom I really loved and cared. I knew my world had crashed but how insensitive were they to tell those words. And to be precise, this was when my mom had expired and it wasn’t even 2weeks.

In a second they made me realise that I am a dirt, having no value that also when I had lost the pillar of my family. I was hurt. My heart cried the moment I heard those words. I didn’t say anything. Those words kept haunting me. From hurt I then became angry. So angry… And you know in a second again they lost the respect and love I had for them. And I know it’s not gonna be the same again because now I know how much they really care about me.

When the so called close people were making fun of the phase I was going through, I had my inner self telling me that I am much more than their limited thought. I am not perfect, my life is not perfect. But I am a living soul and definitely not the “good for nothing”. That was what kept me going. This strength that I got was from my mom. Whenever I fell down in life, she always told me it’s okay to fall. What matters is to get up every time you fall coz that’s how life is. And I am amazing.

Those words from my mom always motivated me and still does even when she is not near me. So you see how I got affected with those two different sentences I heard from two different people.

One broke me down and the other one healed me.

I am an observer. I observe people’s nature and what I have found is that people are mostly unhappy because of society. More than what is happening to them, they are worried of what people gonna think of them. And this all is happening because of the words they have heard people say and sometimes they say to people.

I have seen people wear gold after marriage just to show people. It’s okay if you love wearing gold but I have seen people say, after marriage we need to wear gold just to show people also. Otherwise people will say that we are in misery. Why??? People don’t speak about mental issues, infertility issues, home violence.. Why???

It’s sad but the truth is, it’s because of the insensitive remarks they are scared to hear.

I feel somehow, we have failed as a society. We need to be sensitive. Being sensitive it doesn’t mean that you need to feel the pain the other one is going through. It’s not possible. We might feel bad but we can’t feel anyone’s pain unless we are going through it.

But I think to have a sense of what people are going through is in our hands. If nothing good is coming in our mouth, to shut up is in our hands.

The only motive of this post was to make people realise how a word can affect people’s mind and life. Let’s analyze ourselves and make this world a better place to live.

Love 💕

© Copyright S̮e̮l̮i̮n̮a̮ S̮u̮b̮b̮a̮

I connected the dots and I couldn’t be more happier

Have you ever been in a state where everything in your life seems so meaningless? Whatever you did and whatever happened to you seems to lead you nowhere. You are lost and know no escape from this uncertainty of life. I am sure it’s a yes to most. We all will go through this stage and I know its real hard.

This happened to me too. But I tell you, once I looked back and connected the dots I haven’t had any complaints. I feel enlightened and content.

I tell you my story. I was that independent girl working away from home leading a life that I had once desired. Earning money on my own. My biggest dream in my life had always been to be independent and not rely on anybody for anything. And I was living my dream.

But this world of my dreams got broken when my mom left this world. For everyone, their moms are the best. For me too my mom was the best and a divine being. I look back and I cannot find any flaws in her. So selfless, so loving not just to her children but to all.

It was hard for me to come to the terms that she is no more in this world. The question “Why so soon?” was constantly hovering in my mind and it was killing me all the time.

While all these were going on, responsibilities had come on my shoulders being the only daughter(unmarried) of my parents. My elder sister being married has her own life and problems to take care of. So, it was just me and dad at home.

I left my job and sat at home for my dad. I stay at a place where there aren’t any big companies like where I used to work. And whatever job options were there nearby to me was just like waste of time as the pay I would get was a pity. (Let’s not talk about government jobs for now)

So, in short I was jobless and still am. But now I have started seeing the dots of my life. If I was still working, I would never realise that my love, my passion is in writing. When I write, I feel it’s so “me” which I didn’t feel when I was working in that big company. I am not saying that one day I will be a successful professional writer. What I am saying is that I have found what makes me happy.

Now another dot. Why I worked in the first place when I had to leave it. Just 4+ years and all gone. So here it goes. If I hadn’t gone from North to South and hadn’t worked where I had then I wouldn’t meet few people in my life who would be there forever in my heart and my life. If even one dot had gone here and there, I wouldn’t have found what I have.

So, all I wanted to say is to trust the timing of your life. Try knowing yourself and do what keeps you inspired. No one is here forever. Let yourself free and explore within. And live life the way you want..

Lots of love💕

It is you, who is your cause of unhappiness. Try exploring inwards and you will understand life.. 

© Copyright S̮e̮l̮i̮n̮a̮ S̮u̮b̮b̮a̮